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You know you are addicted to coffee whenyou grind your coffee beans in your mouthyou sleep with your eyes open you have to watch videos in fast-foward the only time you're standing still is during an earthquake you can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without the timer you've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week your eyes stay open when you sneeze you chew on other people's fingernails the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse you can type sixty words a minute with your feet you can jump-start your car without cables you don't sweat, you percolate you walk twenty miles on your tread mill before you realize it's not plugged in you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers instant coffee takes too long you channel surf faster without a remote you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug you short out motion detectors you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore you help your dog chase its tail you soak your dentures in coffee your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee and an IV hook-up you get a speeding ticket even when you're parked you answer the door before people knock your name is Nic |
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