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Actual words found in church newsletters

1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

2) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

3) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

4) Tuesday at 4 pm there will an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk please come early.

5) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

6) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the hall. Music will follow.

7) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

8) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

9) Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

10) The associate minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."